On Fear of Judgement
Why do I sometimes fear the judgement of others? Why does anybody fear judgement of their peers or society? I think the fear of judgement in me stems only when I know that deep down, my actions were not perfect and did not meet my own moral code - that I did do something wrong and haven’t faced it or forgiven myself for it.
If I was sure that all my actions match my moral ideals, that I have done no wrong, I wouldn’t really care what my neighbour or friend thinks about me behind my back. At most, I might get slightly pestered* if they seem to judge me, but my reaction would be much more softer like pity, rather than anger or fear or resentment. If I was at peace with myself, I would be much calmer and be comfortable in my own skin.
If on the other hand I actually did something wrong within my own morality framework - and I fully come to terms with it or forgive myself for it without trying to hide it away from myself - then again I wouldn’t be angry or afraid of others judgement. I would welcome their judgement with open arms because I’m at peace with it myself. If my friend or neighbour does not forgive me for it, I won’t get angry as I know that I did something wrong and they’re free to hold it against me.
So, whenever I next catch myself getting super pissed at someone for judging me, I will try to find out what skeleton I have hidden away in my mind’s closet. What bad deed am I shying away from? I’ll take it out, face it, forgive my past self for being such a dumb-fuck and move towards becoming a slightly better human.
* If you think you did no wrong and match your moral code, but are still extremely angry at others for judging you wrongly, then there’s a possible contradiction - You either have “Ye shall not judge thy neighbour” in your personal moral code, in which case even if your neighbour breaks that code by judging you harshly, you break it too by judging them back so harshly. If you don’t have anything about judging people in your code, then your neighbour shouldn’t make you angry in the first place. The only case where your anger will match your moral code is if you have “Ye shall not judge me, but I shall judge ye” in your code, and if you do, good luck have fun :)